I love black thongs
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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