i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
