Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
