we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
