Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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