My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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