Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
