hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
