he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Someone shattered a urinal.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
