Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
