So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
