and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This house was built for laser tag.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
third nipple confirmed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
