she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
