I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
