I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have aggressive nipples.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
