didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
