She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
