what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
