Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Houston, we have a blender
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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