discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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