As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
