Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
