Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
