What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you inspire me to be a worse person
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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