well I can't set my house on fire every night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
