i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
