a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
