brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so explain again why im purple
no
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
