yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
