You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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