You smell like stripper and shame
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
