How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
