Will you blow on my dice?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
