Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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