I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
