Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
