Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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