I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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