it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
