I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
