Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize