I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
