They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
