lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
