New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize