How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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