I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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