Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
