I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
