Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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