I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
