my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
smell my finger.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
