I have demons in me.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
