me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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