bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
