Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
