i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
