As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
