Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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