Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
