Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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