People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
