so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
