i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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