Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
