hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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