my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
