I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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