The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
