i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can text with my tongue
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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