Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm really into asian looking animals
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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