my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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