remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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