found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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