mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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