It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
